I took a mental health day from work this week and I felt guilty the entire time.

Here’s why it’s important for me to change the way I value my work and my health.

Over the last few months, I’ve kept going back and forth about when I would allow myself to “finally” use one of my personal days. There just never seemed to be the “right” time. I always felt like I would be needed at work and I couldn’t justify taking one day.

It was the week before my partner’s birthday and we had decided to go upstate for the long weekend in order to get some fresh air and much needed space from the city. “This is the perfect opportunity to use one of my days at work,” I said. It should be simple enough. But then when I had to write emails to my staff and my boss confirming that I was in fact “taking the day off on Monday”, a pit in my stomach appeared and it didn’t want to go away the entire time. The guilt continued to fester through the weekend, during my much needed break.

“Why is this so hard for me? Why can’t I give myself just ONE day?” The answer to these questions are complicated. No, I don’t have an overbearing boss who doesn’t think that I’m deserving of a day off. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. But it’s what I’ve learned over time about what it means to be a hard working individual that has taught me to think that my choice to take time off is “wrong.” Somewhere along the way I’ve learned that everyone else’s self-care and well being is more important than my own. I’m always the first to cheer someone on when they’ve decided to take time for themselves, but I’ve never truly thought that I deserved it too.

With all that is going on in the world right now, I’ve become more and more aware that I need to nip these feelings in the bud. My work has shifted as we are working remotely and therefore my boundaries are blurry, which makes self care VERY hard. This weekend was a wake up call for me really. Why work so hard to not be able to truly enjoy my time off when I have it? I have to make a mindset shift. I’m not going to wait for someone to give me the permission to take care of myself. I have to be the one to do it.

I write about this because I know how many people are struggling with a similar experience. Use your time! Pay attention to your needs because if you don’t, your work and relationships will suffer. I hope that you all can feel empowered to set your own boundaries and to take care of yourselves, especially now during this pandemic. If we don’t allow ourselves to reset, then burn out happens and we won’t be able to work at our full capacity anyway. It won’t be easy, but coming to this realization is the first step!

I know that I am not alone in these feelings, so I say “here’s to all of you hard workers out there. I see you and I feel you.”